No sun without sunshine
by BelaRoza Blue
Summary: Viktor Nikiforov's grey hair and childhood were mystery even to his husband, Yuuri Katsuki. He just never asked, but maybe it's time to know. Just a theory I had on my mind for a long time. Viktuuri Victuuri Vikturi Victuri idk. But just slightly, not really fluffy


**Just random, but it's been on my mind for too long. Please tell me what you think.**

Viktor Nikiforov was a happy, all enjoying person. He was always happy over the smallest things. He appreciated every little moment, every little piece of happiness, every little detail.

His smile was the thing that made the Sun want to shine. Without him, there would be no day and night, no summer and winter, he was just so bright.

Somebody would say that he was the sunshine, the life.

That's why his husband Yuuri Katsuki was so worried when he didn't find him in their bed in the morning, in whole house while having rushed breakfast and at the rink when it was their pair skating practise time.

Viktor was nowhere to be found, didn't leave a note and certainly did not tell or phone him.

Yuuri (if he wasn't completely drunk, of course) didn't have the habit of forgetting things, important or not.

He was really sure that if Viktor chose a day to be sad and avoid everybody, even _Yuuri_ , he'd remember it, even drunk.

He was searching immediately, to Yakov's displeasure. All he wanted was to find his husband.

And he did.

He found him sitting on the beach, listening to seagulls. He loved them and Yuuri knew they always calmed him in a foreign country, because they reminded him of home. Now, at Saint Petersburg, it didn't make sense.

He was sitting there, looking towards still rising sun. He was hugging his knees to his chest, his chin burried in them and his face wore a serious expression.

He was not crying, but he looked really sad and it scared Yuuri to no end.

He sat next to him, in a little more free position, hugging his knees, but keeping his head high.

Eventually, Viktor did the same. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you where I'm going."

"It's okay, I found you. Besides, you're adult person, you don't have to tell me."

"I should have done it anyways. You were worried." He said, still not doing any move towards Yuuri, which was very unusual.

"We're togethet now." the sentence seemed to bring anxiety to Viktor and he curled a little to himself.

"Vitya, what's wrong?" Yuuri asked after a minute or two of silence.

Viktor took a shaky breath.

"Love, you can trust me. I love you, I'd never hurt you. You can tell me anything." Yuuri tried again.

Viktor shut his eyes and then opened them sharply, then took a shaky, deep breath again.

"I know I don't often talk about my childhood or family."

This sentence surprised Yuuri. Viktor always referred only to him as his family (and sometimes to Yuuri's family and they Russian skating family, too), knowing he used it for somebody else felt strange, like he was lied to. But he knew Viktor would never lie to him.

"Svetlana. My sister's name was Svetlana. She was almost a year younger than me and she was the person I lived for. I wanted to grow up with her and be with her forever. I loved her more than anyone else. In that time of course." Viktor's eyes were red.

"Svet means light in Russian. Svetlana was my light. She was not my whole world, because my world inculded not much money and hard passages. My parents did everything to make our life easier and I tried too, for Svetya. She loved figure skating. We often went to rink and watched performances.

She was a good learner. My mother worked in library and she often borrowed her books about theory of figure skating. Our parents gave us old skates, so old and worn out I'm surprised they didn't fall apart.

Svetya was in heaven. We went skating everyday, when we weren't at lake because it wasn't frozen, we went to rink. My father's friend worked there and he let us skate for free.

We both learned at same pace, but Svetya was the one who loved it so much. Soon, we were the unstoppable Svetya and Vitya, skating little legends. It was nearing Svetya's seventh birthday. I was seven, eight in two months, and I wanted to give her something special because she was doing so good on her first days in school."

Viktor started gently sobbing, tears rolling down his cheeks, now tinted red. Yuuri wanted to touch him, to comfort him, to tell him it will be alright, but he was afraid to do it, like he would never hear the end of the story.

He was afraid that this was the only chance for Viktor to completely open up for him. He didn't want to ruin it.

"I helped in houses, in library and even at rink when Svetya was doing her homework. I earned some money, just enough to buy cheaper skates for her.

She was so happy. She hugged me and told me hiw much she loved me. She said that I'm more that her life and she would end with figure skating for me. It was like I bought the world for her.

I felt loved and told myself that I'll be with her forever because she deserves it.

She wanted to go skating immediately, but the rink was closed. My parents told me that lake might not be safe, to wait until tomorrow, but I wanted to do everything my little sister wanted. So they carefully let us go.

We skated and suddenly, Svetlana did a triple axel. Beautiful triple axel, with arms raised. It was first time she managed to do it correctly. She skated towards me to celebrate it, but we didn't notice the crack in ice she made."

Viktor was trembling.

"What was I thinking?! It was October, God damnit!" he cried for a few seconds, then he started rocking back and forth.

"Babe..." Yuuri reached for him, trying to calm him, tell him that he was a child and it was okay. But he pulled his hand back and decided it would be better to let Viktor get it all out. He was obviously holding it in for too long.

"I skated to her as well, but in the middle of lake, she suddenly stopped. I remember how she screamed 'Vitya don't move!!!', but at first I didn't get it. Then I realised there was a crack right under her. If- If I only went to her, I could, I could have saved her, but... but I didn't!

The ice under ger cracked and she... she fell into the lake. I-I tried Yuuri, I did! I screamed for help because I knew I couldn't go after her.

I know I should have! I know it now!" he screamed.

He grabbed Yuuri's shoulders as if he was trying to convice him, or to tell hin it's alright. To tell him he'd do better now.

"Vitya, you did the right thing. You couldn't jumo to the lake. You would have died."

"She... A man came and phoned firefighters and ambulance and everybody, but when... when they pulled her out, she was dead. I-I have that image in my head until now, oh Yuuri, it's a nightmare, a nightmare, why won't it go away?!" Viktor looked so desparate that Yuuri just wanted to cry, but he had to stay strong for his loved one.

"I went skating alone from that day. That was the only thing that could calm me. It hurt me because all the time I skated I had to think about my sister, but at least I deserved it because I didn't save her.

I know I couldn't, but I just can't help it sometimes... I should have done something.

I skated all the time and about a year later, Yakov found me and started training me for free. When I won some money on competitions, my parents could afford paying him. He had been my coach ever since.

First few years, I skated for Svetya. She was the person I put all my emotions to. Of course, later I just started to love it so much it became my life, but when I had to pretend a lot of love in conpetitions, I always imagined my little sister.

I've been neglecting love and life for so long to punish myself, but mostly, it was an instinct to not hurt myself anymore. I moved from my family. My parents died a few years ago, the hard work from her early lives had payed back.

When I got Makkachin, I named her after my sister's plushie.

We and Svetlana, we were both dark haired, something between black and brown. But in first half of a year after her death, my hair turned gray from the shock.

I lost everything and I was so hurt that I built walls to protect myself. I know I had some girlfriends, but I didn't love any of them. Well, to be fair, I had three girlfriends.

I can't compare my love to Svetlana with my love to you, because those are different kinds of love, but you were the first person I loved again.

Thank you for being here, Yuuri." Viktor cried on his shoulder and Yuuri held him tight. They were never in this position, but Yuuri knew what to do. It came instinctively.

"I'm sorry for what happened. But why today?" Yuuri asked, not finishing but knowing that Viktor understood. It was Viktor, after all.

"Today, it's twenty-three years since she died. I felt a little emotional."

"It's okay Vitya. I love you so, so much. And your hair color too." he felt his husband gently smile and was relieved that he can still do it.

"I love you too, Yuuri." Viktor said and they two sat there, Viktor leaning against Yuuri.

The sun finally rose. It seems like it did need Viktor's smile to rise. And Viktor needed his own little piece of light to smile.

But it wasn't Svetlana anymore. It was no other than Yuuri Katsuki.


End file.
